Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
