I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
