Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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