Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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