Define "chronic" masturbator.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
