dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
