Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
