Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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