My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
