Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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