your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
