You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
