Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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