how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
