She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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