There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
