My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
