He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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