The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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