The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
