Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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