accomplished twins. life is a go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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