hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
