I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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