Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
