Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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