Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
