oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
