we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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