this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
