pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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