Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
