Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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