That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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