I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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