My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
