I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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