yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
