dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
