I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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