I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
