Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
