we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
