Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
