sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
