dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
