I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
