my phone needs a breathalizer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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