I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
