Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
