did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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