You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
