he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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