Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
