I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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