if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
