Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
